Just very busy! We got the kids Birth certificates in!! With their new names and US US US US US as parents!! SO exciting! All of the children are doing so very well right now. We are all getting ready for the big winter storm which we are totally not excited about. Hubby and I are going shopping for supplies as soon as he gets home.
On to more exciting news Dallas has learned his finger can go up his nose LOL and today he put his shoe on all by himself!! Dylan has tested 6th grade in his reading !!!! and the Twins are almost on age level now! Alexandrea is doing great in school and Andrianna has her first crush "boy friend" .
Life is starting to settle in and we can see the end of the tunel now!! Hubby and I are going on vacation to mexico this summer just me and him ( OH MY GOSH!) I am excited!! We will be staying at a adult only resort(no kids for a week wowser!) and we just can't wait!!
I guess thats it from us for now. Hoping everyone is doing good!
Dallas said
Last night when putting Dallas to sleep he sad goodnight MOMMY I love you MOMMY sleep good MOMMY . He said it ALL AT ONCE us Prompting him. I got so excited I said say it again Dallas. and he repeated goodnight MOMMY I love you MOMMY sleep good MOMMY I bet I asked him to say it 5 times before he finally said. Good night Mommy Mommy say good night Dallas. LOL!! We always tell him Good night Dallas I love you sleep good Dallas. can you tell us good night Dallas? and sometimes he'll say good night mommy I love you Dallas sleep well Dallas. but this time it was goodnight MOMMY I love you MOMMY sleep good MOMMY and we did not even have to ask him to tell us. We just told him it was time to get ready for bed and he said it!
His daddy asked him to tell him and he had went back to " Good night Dallas I love you Dallas sleep good Dallas" Poor skip he was so hoping for the DADDY or DA DA But this is a big step and we are happy and we know it will be DADDY and DA DA soon!! IT was so coooll to hear it we just kept asking him to say it again until (opps) he got annoyed lol and said say good night Dallas LOL
Anyways I thought I'd share and yes it was totally worth the 10 year wait. Magical.
His daddy asked him to tell him and he had went back to " Good night Dallas I love you Dallas sleep good Dallas" Poor skip he was so hoping for the DADDY or DA DA But this is a big step and we are happy and we know it will be DADDY and DA DA soon!! IT was so coooll to hear it we just kept asking him to say it again until (opps) he got annoyed lol and said say good night Dallas LOL
Anyways I thought I'd share and yes it was totally worth the 10 year wait. Magical.
Less then perfect
My husband and I have been struggling in the relationship department during the last year.The stress of everything has really gotten to us. We love each other so much but sometimes we just go to bed in tears.The children have been such a giant blessing for us but it's been really stressful at times. Disowning my sister has been one of the hardest thing i've ever did in my life. I can't and won't have her around our children.( and no mistaken they are OUR children now)
I know it was the right thing to do. Adopting the children was the right thing to do and neither one of us will ever regret it but it was a long road leading up to adopting them.I worry about my sister sometimes it keeps me up at night with worry and tears. Is she out there alone? Can she kick the drug problem? Does she miss her birth children? Then we get a call that she has been beaten up by yet another boy friend and there is nothing we can do. I cant and won't bring her here. We offer for a taxi to take her to a battered Shelter but she refuses.Offer to find a way to get her into Drug rehab and she refuses. I know I can no longer help her but it hurts.
She gets upset when I tell her to no longer call us and she gets mad because she can not speak to her birth children but they are OUR children and if they spoke to her it would harm them and push back everything we have worked so hard at this last year and half. They have told the counselor and told us they don't want to speak to her as she scares them and has hurt them so badly in everyway she could. She refused a goodbye visit with them before her rights was taken away , she was told them by the judge and the workers she wouldnt get another chance and she has not and won't. I won't risk OUR children for her. She has threatened me to other people saying she is going to get me but I know it's the meth talking. I just miss who she was when she was younger so very badly. I miss it with every inch of my body. I lost my sister and it hurts.
My husband is my personal hero. He did not have to marry me and provide me with a better chance at life. What would I of been with out him? Just another Foster child that aged out of the system? another failure? Would I of been like my biological sister? He saved me and he saved my sisters birth children when we adopted them. He has helped me break the cycle of child abuse in my biological family that was decades long. How will I ever thank him? He says he is not a hero that he didnt do this alone but with out him I couldnt of did this. He makes me strong and keeps me going and shows me the good in people.
I have spent my whole life trying to help people and save people and sometimes I forget to slow down and spend a little time on myself. I think both me and my husband has forgotten this in the last year and half , We have been so focused on the six children that we forget ourself sometimes.
I try to blog against child abuse but it seems no one cares so why bother. I try to help people only to be stepped on. I do have a Dr. I talk to about these things but it just hurts sometimes. She says we went threw something traumatic and it will take time to heal. Some day and some weeks heck some months are great and then some days and some nights after the children go to bed my husband and I just sit and talk and I just worry I couldn't save my sister and for that I feel like a failure. I don't even know why I am posting this. Please don't think it is to get pitty as we dont need or want pitty or for anyone to feel sorry for us. We are blessed beyond blessings. I guess I am posting to say hey see I failed my sister I am not perfect or a miracle worker. I am human and far from perfect
I know it was the right thing to do. Adopting the children was the right thing to do and neither one of us will ever regret it but it was a long road leading up to adopting them.I worry about my sister sometimes it keeps me up at night with worry and tears. Is she out there alone? Can she kick the drug problem? Does she miss her birth children? Then we get a call that she has been beaten up by yet another boy friend and there is nothing we can do. I cant and won't bring her here. We offer for a taxi to take her to a battered Shelter but she refuses.Offer to find a way to get her into Drug rehab and she refuses. I know I can no longer help her but it hurts.
She gets upset when I tell her to no longer call us and she gets mad because she can not speak to her birth children but they are OUR children and if they spoke to her it would harm them and push back everything we have worked so hard at this last year and half. They have told the counselor and told us they don't want to speak to her as she scares them and has hurt them so badly in everyway she could. She refused a goodbye visit with them before her rights was taken away , she was told them by the judge and the workers she wouldnt get another chance and she has not and won't. I won't risk OUR children for her. She has threatened me to other people saying she is going to get me but I know it's the meth talking. I just miss who she was when she was younger so very badly. I miss it with every inch of my body. I lost my sister and it hurts.
My husband is my personal hero. He did not have to marry me and provide me with a better chance at life. What would I of been with out him? Just another Foster child that aged out of the system? another failure? Would I of been like my biological sister? He saved me and he saved my sisters birth children when we adopted them. He has helped me break the cycle of child abuse in my biological family that was decades long. How will I ever thank him? He says he is not a hero that he didnt do this alone but with out him I couldnt of did this. He makes me strong and keeps me going and shows me the good in people.
I have spent my whole life trying to help people and save people and sometimes I forget to slow down and spend a little time on myself. I think both me and my husband has forgotten this in the last year and half , We have been so focused on the six children that we forget ourself sometimes.
I try to blog against child abuse but it seems no one cares so why bother. I try to help people only to be stepped on. I do have a Dr. I talk to about these things but it just hurts sometimes. She says we went threw something traumatic and it will take time to heal. Some day and some weeks heck some months are great and then some days and some nights after the children go to bed my husband and I just sit and talk and I just worry I couldn't save my sister and for that I feel like a failure. I don't even know why I am posting this. Please don't think it is to get pitty as we dont need or want pitty or for anyone to feel sorry for us. We are blessed beyond blessings. I guess I am posting to say hey see I failed my sister I am not perfect or a miracle worker. I am human and far from perfect
Me
Hi! thought I'd share a few pics I took of myself today.See there is a person behind the words lol
Safe Sunday Cyber Bullying Statistics that may Shock You!
What would you do if your teenager was browsing the internet only to find their photo posted on another blog where someone was making fun of them? You would be pretty upset correct? I know I would. But what would you think when you found out that person was not a Teenager as the stats say but yet a Grown adult with a child of her own?
This week I read a blog on momdot where the owner herself made a post from a Airport where she mocked and made fun of not one but two under age children. Can you believe that? Her excuse? she was trying to make people aware of children being over weight. This is why she just HAD to blog on the issue...... That's why she also made fun of the others in her blog that day......... No it's not she was just being plain mean and hurtful..
Being a bully is NOT OK. it is not OK if your doing it in person and it's not OK if your doing it on line.
I remember a story not to long ago where another mother acted like a Teenagers boy friend then broke up with her on my space only for the teenager to kill herself later that night in her room.
When is ENOUGH enough? I Say it is enough already. I am going to post some Stats but remember when you read these stats they are speaking of CHILDREN not grown adults, who would of thunk you would of needed to do the stats on Grown adults? NOT ME.
Bullying is nothing new to school or youth culture. The past several decades in the United States have seen a remarkably consistent pattern, with bullying beginning in the elementary school years, peaking in frequency and intensity during junior high school (grades six through eight) and leveling off (but continuing) through high school.
But the rise of the Internet as a mean of regular communication between our children has opened up new doors for those who wish to bully other children. Chat rooms, My Space, email, instant messaging and other on line tools have all helped create the cyber bullying epidemic
Statistics about cyberbullying
According to the National Crime Prevention Center, over 40% of all teenagers with Internet access have reported being bullied on line during the past year.
Girls are more likely than boys to be the target of cyberbullying. Also, there is a direct correlation to the amount of time girls spend on line and the likelihood that they will be bullied.
The National Crime Prevention Center National Crime Prevention Center study found that only 10% of those kids who were bullied told their parents about the incident, and that a mere 18% of the cases were reported to a local or national law enforcement agency.
Only 15% of parents are “in the know” about their kids’ social networking habits, and how these behaviors can lead to cyberbullying.
Currently, the most common virtual locations for cyberbullying are chat rooms, social networking web sites, email and instant message systems.
Of the technologies above, chat rooms are currently where the most cyberbullying occurs, with various sources finding anywhere between 45% - 57% of all incidents originating there.
Social networking sites such as Face book and My Space are growing fast, and so are the cyberbullying incidents originating from them. Experts believe that they will soon overtake chat rooms as the top source of cyberbullying problems worldwide.
According to a recent study, 58% of 4th through 8th graders reported having mean or cruel things said to them online. 53% said that they have said mean or hurtful things to others while online. 42% of those studied said that they had been “bullied online”, but almost 60% have never told their parents about the incident.
Cell phone cameras and digital cameras are a growing problem in the cyberbullying world. A recent survey found that 10% of 770 young people surveyed were made to feel “threatened, embarrassed or uncomfortable” by a photo taken of them using a cell-phone camera.
According to extensive research on middle school age students and teenagers online, the fastest growing problems within the world of cyberbullying are:
Stealing an individual’s name and password to a social networking site, then using their profile to post rumors, gossip or other damaging information.
Altering photographs using PhotoShop or other photo editing software in order to humiliate the individual.
Recording conversations without the individual’s knowledge or consent, then posting the call online.
Creating confrontational and mean-spirited online polls about the individual and posting them on different web sites.
Using web sites and blogs to post hurtful, embarrassing information about another individual
Did you read that? This is exactly what Trisha at Momdot did. She is a Cyber bully. The worse of them actually as she uses her blog to make money there for she is using this teenager girl she posted about as a way to make more views on her blog and in return get more money. unfortunately the Coward has made that blog post password protective but thankfully you can view it here so you can see for yourself exactly what she's like. I have taken out the faces of the innocent children as I don't want to spread it around but it was not taken out in her post. I have also taken all over photo's off of it. I am not going to post a screen shot with her child's face showing her or husbands or the other bloggers. I don't feel it would be right. BTW the young girl ( both of them ) that she made fun of in her post are both beautiful!
Do you think what this mom blogger did is OK? if not can you please sign this petition to show her and to show her Sponsors it is NOT OK and we are not going to stand around while She uses innocent children to make money.
http://www.petitiononline.com/102102/
If you are one of the bloggers that think what she is doing is OK. Please no longer follow my blog as I won't be following yours
This week I read a blog on momdot where the owner herself made a post from a Airport where she mocked and made fun of not one but two under age children. Can you believe that? Her excuse? she was trying to make people aware of children being over weight. This is why she just HAD to blog on the issue...... That's why she also made fun of the others in her blog that day......... No it's not she was just being plain mean and hurtful..
Being a bully is NOT OK. it is not OK if your doing it in person and it's not OK if your doing it on line.
I remember a story not to long ago where another mother acted like a Teenagers boy friend then broke up with her on my space only for the teenager to kill herself later that night in her room.
When is ENOUGH enough? I Say it is enough already. I am going to post some Stats but remember when you read these stats they are speaking of CHILDREN not grown adults, who would of thunk you would of needed to do the stats on Grown adults? NOT ME.
Bullying is nothing new to school or youth culture. The past several decades in the United States have seen a remarkably consistent pattern, with bullying beginning in the elementary school years, peaking in frequency and intensity during junior high school (grades six through eight) and leveling off (but continuing) through high school.
But the rise of the Internet as a mean of regular communication between our children has opened up new doors for those who wish to bully other children. Chat rooms, My Space, email, instant messaging and other on line tools have all helped create the cyber bullying epidemic
Statistics about cyberbullying
According to the National Crime Prevention Center, over 40% of all teenagers with Internet access have reported being bullied on line during the past year.
Girls are more likely than boys to be the target of cyberbullying. Also, there is a direct correlation to the amount of time girls spend on line and the likelihood that they will be bullied.
The National Crime Prevention Center National Crime Prevention Center study found that only 10% of those kids who were bullied told their parents about the incident, and that a mere 18% of the cases were reported to a local or national law enforcement agency.
Only 15% of parents are “in the know” about their kids’ social networking habits, and how these behaviors can lead to cyberbullying.
Currently, the most common virtual locations for cyberbullying are chat rooms, social networking web sites, email and instant message systems.
Of the technologies above, chat rooms are currently where the most cyberbullying occurs, with various sources finding anywhere between 45% - 57% of all incidents originating there.
Social networking sites such as Face book and My Space are growing fast, and so are the cyberbullying incidents originating from them. Experts believe that they will soon overtake chat rooms as the top source of cyberbullying problems worldwide.
According to a recent study, 58% of 4th through 8th graders reported having mean or cruel things said to them online. 53% said that they have said mean or hurtful things to others while online. 42% of those studied said that they had been “bullied online”, but almost 60% have never told their parents about the incident.
Cell phone cameras and digital cameras are a growing problem in the cyberbullying world. A recent survey found that 10% of 770 young people surveyed were made to feel “threatened, embarrassed or uncomfortable” by a photo taken of them using a cell-phone camera.
According to extensive research on middle school age students and teenagers online, the fastest growing problems within the world of cyberbullying are:
Stealing an individual’s name and password to a social networking site, then using their profile to post rumors, gossip or other damaging information.
Altering photographs using PhotoShop or other photo editing software in order to humiliate the individual.
Recording conversations without the individual’s knowledge or consent, then posting the call online.
Creating confrontational and mean-spirited online polls about the individual and posting them on different web sites.
Using web sites and blogs to post hurtful, embarrassing information about another individual
Did you read that? This is exactly what Trisha at Momdot did. She is a Cyber bully. The worse of them actually as she uses her blog to make money there for she is using this teenager girl she posted about as a way to make more views on her blog and in return get more money. unfortunately the Coward has made that blog post password protective but thankfully you can view it here so you can see for yourself exactly what she's like. I have taken out the faces of the innocent children as I don't want to spread it around but it was not taken out in her post. I have also taken all over photo's off of it. I am not going to post a screen shot with her child's face showing her or husbands or the other bloggers. I don't feel it would be right. BTW the young girl ( both of them ) that she made fun of in her post are both beautiful!
Do you think what this mom blogger did is OK? if not can you please sign this petition to show her and to show her Sponsors it is NOT OK and we are not going to stand around while She uses innocent children to make money.
http://www.petitiononline.com/102102/
If you are one of the bloggers that think what she is doing is OK. Please no longer follow my blog as I won't be following yours
There you go your a Idiot Trina
As you know I am a type 1 Diabetic and when I get sick I do it with style. For the past couple weeks I've been struggling with my blood sugar in secret It had been going up past 600 going to 300 with shots and going back up with out me eating. Well I say in secret I flipped out on my best friend this morning and we was goggling no carb meals for those that *GAG * on meat as in HATE MEAT! lol that would be ME!
Finally I just went to the Dr went I felt like I was going to fall out. After a EKG on my heart, A Xray a blood test and urine test because you know no day is complete without them test!! I found out I had glucose and Ketones in my urine. A few more test and what do you know no wonder I felt like tired and my blood sugar was out of control I have a infection in my lungs causing my blood sugar to go high.
I should know better! Shame on me. Sometimes I forget taking care of me is important also. I knew my blood sugar was out of control but I was eating right and I had a cough and I was wore out I figured I was just tired and needed some extra rest. I need to learn to listen to my own body.
Good news is after IV meds I am feeling a lot better tonight and my blood sugar is down in the 100's! Bad news is I am on instructions to REST REST REST and my DH is going to be cooking the Turkey Thanks Giving! Here is to hoping he learned a few things from me over the years! I am still going to do the dressings for the kids no matter what he says lol Something has to be eatable ha ha! J/k I think he'll do fine!
If you don't hear from me Friday Call for back up!
Finally I just went to the Dr went I felt like I was going to fall out. After a EKG on my heart, A Xray a blood test and urine test because you know no day is complete without them test!! I found out I had glucose and Ketones in my urine. A few more test and what do you know no wonder I felt like tired and my blood sugar was out of control I have a infection in my lungs causing my blood sugar to go high.
I should know better! Shame on me. Sometimes I forget taking care of me is important also. I knew my blood sugar was out of control but I was eating right and I had a cough and I was wore out I figured I was just tired and needed some extra rest. I need to learn to listen to my own body.
Good news is after IV meds I am feeling a lot better tonight and my blood sugar is down in the 100's! Bad news is I am on instructions to REST REST REST and my DH is going to be cooking the Turkey Thanks Giving! Here is to hoping he learned a few things from me over the years! I am still going to do the dressings for the kids no matter what he says lol Something has to be eatable ha ha! J/k I think he'll do fine!
If you don't hear from me Friday Call for back up!
Sometimes I get ANGRY!
I have wanted to write this blog for a very long time but kept putting it off because sometime reality is just to much for some to read and well I get judged and I get sick of people judging when they have not walked the walk or talked the talk.
I am not a Super Hero as some say. I am not a Miracle worker or a Saint. I am a mother a mommy and a mom to 4 very hurt children. I am a mommy a mom and a mother to a severely handicap child that gets judged everyday but I can't speak about that or I am told oh kids are just mean it's just how kids are these days. No it's not just kids it's adults it's the world in General. I am a mommy to a 12 year old daughter caught in the middle learning a leason she should never of had to learn that kids are MEAN! Adult can be AWFUL! She has watched us adopt our four angels and she has watched people pick on her brother because he is handicap. She has loved all five of her sisters and brothers without judgement.
Sometimes I just get ANGRY! and you know what? That's OK I am allowed.. My children are allowed. I don't need someone to judge me if I am having a bad day of hell a bad month..... I need someone to say hey it's going to be ok and we are here for you or hell even hey it's going to be ok and we love you. Or hey how about it's ok that your angry.
I don't need to be told Oh Man your life sure has a lot of up's and down's or wow you have a lot of Drama in your life. You know what? You don't think I know my life has up's and down's? You don't think I don't know there is drama in my life? Actully you know what it's not called DRAMA it's called life and when your dealing with what my husband and I deal with day in and day out then yes sometimes things go wong. Yes There is hurt in my life? You don't think I DON'T SEE IT and LIVE IT. I shouldn't be scared to share that I had a bad day or that my kids had a bad day just because someone elese can't understand it.
Another thing..... NO my kids are not healed after a year and a few months NO they won't be HEALED in a year from now. Yes they are hurt. Yes they do things "normal" children wouldn't do. No it's not as easy as love them and it will heal them. These children have been HURT deeply and it is going to take time to heal. You don't heal from 8 and 14 years of abuse in a year or two years. YOU slowly heal and learn to trust and learn to RECEIVE LOVE and GIVE LOVE.
There has been things people that I love have said that have hurt my feelings and I was just to big of a coward to tell them I guess it is because I am to scared to tell them or maybe I don't know how to explain it to them. Maybe I am just so damn tired of being judged. Maybe people don't understand words hurt. Maybe people don't understand I am human. Maybe they just don't care. What I do know is I have two very special friends that I know will always love me and for that I am thankful as I know they will never hurt me.
I can't count the number of times I have wanted to blog on a bad day just to delete it in fear or what someone may say..... What will they think? Will they understand?
I have grown so much in the last year and half... I have learned it's ok to be angry but not ok to STAY angry. It is ok to be Angry and USE your anger to help others. Use the Anger to SHOW those that have their eyes closed that ABUSE IS WRONG.
Sometimes I just feel so damn lonely and alone. Sometimes I just feel like I am in a room with everyone looking at me waiting for me to mess up. We do the BEST WE CAN! That's ALL we can do. I don't know all the answers........... I don't know what tomorrow holds... DO YOU? I don't. Tomorrow may be a great day! Or I may wake up to one of my 4 crying because of nightmares.. I may feed them dinner and them ask for more but not because they are not full but because at times they still have fears of being hungry again. I feed them more I give them more I love them and will continue to show them they won't EVER go hungry again. They won't EVER be hurt again.
Yes my kids will mess up and no I don't need to hear oh but they have been in your home long enough to know right from wrong. THEY are HURT and sometime it shows with Actions. They are thriving and bad days are less and less but guess what if they have a bad day I'll still love them! Still help teach them and I will let them know I am not turning my back and walking away just because they made a mistake and Yes I will tell them it is ok to still be angry.
I should be doing my Safe sunday post but I got so sick of feeling like it was me and Sherry ( she does them with me) against the world. Why is it so damn hard to post against child abuse? I gave up I failed Maybe I needed to fail to get me angry again and start again. I cant promise it will be on Sundays again but I promise I am going to start posting more on the issue and Yes I am going to start posting more of the Reality of abuse. What happens when a child is abused and then thrown in a new life one they never knew before. Giving a abused child a new life does not heal them alone. It takes TIME ,LOVE and CARE
I want to start posting more about what it is like raising a severely handicap child I want people to see and to understand it is not all roses no I don't want them to feel pitty but because Maybe just MAYBE someone when they see a child in public that is handicap and not acting as THEY THINK THEY SHOULD that maybe they will stop and THINK and not pass judgement.
And let me get this out of the way also. Yes my husband and I have had to ask for help . It was one of the most horiable things i"ve ever had to do I am ashamed of it but damn it when we got the four kids we was not prepared for what was to come. We didn't ask for them to be abused but we sure the hell was not going to let them go to stangers just because it made it hard on us. I had two friends that gifted me help and it made me feel like a failure I am so thankful for the gift but felt so ashamed for accepting it however we was able to get over the shock of what it took to raise six children. .I asked a local Charity to help the first couple months I walked in Crying thinking I was a failure.What was we supossed to do? All our bills more then doubled. We get a small check for adopting the children and thank GOD for that or we wouldnt be able to raise them on a cops pay!! No we don't get foodstamps or welfair but damn it that amount helps. Go ahead and Flame me now I don't care any more. We accepted the help we needed so we could break the cycle.
We are doing so much bette now that we have learned to budget and raise six children but I get sick and tired of hearing how can you afforid it? We can afforid it because we make the CHOICE to make it.We no longer dream of owning a home we dream of a abuse free world. We dream of our children being healed. We dream of a world where a handicap person is accepted for who they are and loved for who they are. We dream of No child ever going hungry! Thank God we are doing so good now. No were not poor and no I don't need any help but I just had to get that out of the way. I shouldn't feel ashamed that we had to ask when we got them.
Some days are hard and some days I just want to sleep all day and pray that our reality is never ever a reality someone else has. Adopting a child (children) does not make the hurt go away. There is no magical thing that happens to heal the children over night. The magic is LOVE LOVE LOVE and understanding. NOT PITTY NOT FEELING SORRY FOR US but understanding that our life is not your life and sometimes people face the unthinkable.
I worry sometimes. Sometimes my worry runs so darn deep. My husband has had problems sleeping during the last year. I've never seen him like that He tosses and he turns. Everynight before we go to bed we pray for a better tomorrow for understanding and for answers to questions that we have no answers for.
Don't get me wrong. We have a good life a great life but sometimes if we look tired it is because WE ARE tired. We ARE worried the future is a scary thought for us at times but we are loving every single minute we have at this time. WE ARE SO BLESSED but frustrated at the same time that we can't seem to get the word out that ABUSE IS WRONG. We want to snap our fingers and take all the hurt away from our childen We want to snap our fingers and cure Dallas but we can't. What we can do is live today for today and that is what we will continue to do.
I must go now as it's time for dinner but I just had to get them things off my chest.
I am not a Super Hero as some say. I am not a Miracle worker or a Saint. I am a mother a mommy and a mom to 4 very hurt children. I am a mommy a mom and a mother to a severely handicap child that gets judged everyday but I can't speak about that or I am told oh kids are just mean it's just how kids are these days. No it's not just kids it's adults it's the world in General. I am a mommy to a 12 year old daughter caught in the middle learning a leason she should never of had to learn that kids are MEAN! Adult can be AWFUL! She has watched us adopt our four angels and she has watched people pick on her brother because he is handicap. She has loved all five of her sisters and brothers without judgement.
Sometimes I just get ANGRY! and you know what? That's OK I am allowed.. My children are allowed. I don't need someone to judge me if I am having a bad day of hell a bad month..... I need someone to say hey it's going to be ok and we are here for you or hell even hey it's going to be ok and we love you. Or hey how about it's ok that your angry.
I don't need to be told Oh Man your life sure has a lot of up's and down's or wow you have a lot of Drama in your life. You know what? You don't think I know my life has up's and down's? You don't think I don't know there is drama in my life? Actully you know what it's not called DRAMA it's called life and when your dealing with what my husband and I deal with day in and day out then yes sometimes things go wong. Yes There is hurt in my life? You don't think I DON'T SEE IT and LIVE IT. I shouldn't be scared to share that I had a bad day or that my kids had a bad day just because someone elese can't understand it.
Another thing..... NO my kids are not healed after a year and a few months NO they won't be HEALED in a year from now. Yes they are hurt. Yes they do things "normal" children wouldn't do. No it's not as easy as love them and it will heal them. These children have been HURT deeply and it is going to take time to heal. You don't heal from 8 and 14 years of abuse in a year or two years. YOU slowly heal and learn to trust and learn to RECEIVE LOVE and GIVE LOVE.
There has been things people that I love have said that have hurt my feelings and I was just to big of a coward to tell them I guess it is because I am to scared to tell them or maybe I don't know how to explain it to them. Maybe I am just so damn tired of being judged. Maybe people don't understand words hurt. Maybe people don't understand I am human. Maybe they just don't care. What I do know is I have two very special friends that I know will always love me and for that I am thankful as I know they will never hurt me.
I can't count the number of times I have wanted to blog on a bad day just to delete it in fear or what someone may say..... What will they think? Will they understand?
I have grown so much in the last year and half... I have learned it's ok to be angry but not ok to STAY angry. It is ok to be Angry and USE your anger to help others. Use the Anger to SHOW those that have their eyes closed that ABUSE IS WRONG.
Sometimes I just feel so damn lonely and alone. Sometimes I just feel like I am in a room with everyone looking at me waiting for me to mess up. We do the BEST WE CAN! That's ALL we can do. I don't know all the answers........... I don't know what tomorrow holds... DO YOU? I don't. Tomorrow may be a great day! Or I may wake up to one of my 4 crying because of nightmares.. I may feed them dinner and them ask for more but not because they are not full but because at times they still have fears of being hungry again. I feed them more I give them more I love them and will continue to show them they won't EVER go hungry again. They won't EVER be hurt again.
Yes my kids will mess up and no I don't need to hear oh but they have been in your home long enough to know right from wrong. THEY are HURT and sometime it shows with Actions. They are thriving and bad days are less and less but guess what if they have a bad day I'll still love them! Still help teach them and I will let them know I am not turning my back and walking away just because they made a mistake and Yes I will tell them it is ok to still be angry.
I should be doing my Safe sunday post but I got so sick of feeling like it was me and Sherry ( she does them with me) against the world. Why is it so damn hard to post against child abuse? I gave up I failed Maybe I needed to fail to get me angry again and start again. I cant promise it will be on Sundays again but I promise I am going to start posting more on the issue and Yes I am going to start posting more of the Reality of abuse. What happens when a child is abused and then thrown in a new life one they never knew before. Giving a abused child a new life does not heal them alone. It takes TIME ,LOVE and CARE
I want to start posting more about what it is like raising a severely handicap child I want people to see and to understand it is not all roses no I don't want them to feel pitty but because Maybe just MAYBE someone when they see a child in public that is handicap and not acting as THEY THINK THEY SHOULD that maybe they will stop and THINK and not pass judgement.
And let me get this out of the way also. Yes my husband and I have had to ask for help . It was one of the most horiable things i"ve ever had to do I am ashamed of it but damn it when we got the four kids we was not prepared for what was to come. We didn't ask for them to be abused but we sure the hell was not going to let them go to stangers just because it made it hard on us. I had two friends that gifted me help and it made me feel like a failure I am so thankful for the gift but felt so ashamed for accepting it however we was able to get over the shock of what it took to raise six children. .I asked a local Charity to help the first couple months I walked in Crying thinking I was a failure.What was we supossed to do? All our bills more then doubled. We get a small check for adopting the children and thank GOD for that or we wouldnt be able to raise them on a cops pay!! No we don't get foodstamps or welfair but damn it that amount helps. Go ahead and Flame me now I don't care any more. We accepted the help we needed so we could break the cycle.
We are doing so much bette now that we have learned to budget and raise six children but I get sick and tired of hearing how can you afforid it? We can afforid it because we make the CHOICE to make it.We no longer dream of owning a home we dream of a abuse free world. We dream of our children being healed. We dream of a world where a handicap person is accepted for who they are and loved for who they are. We dream of No child ever going hungry! Thank God we are doing so good now. No were not poor and no I don't need any help but I just had to get that out of the way. I shouldn't feel ashamed that we had to ask when we got them.
Some days are hard and some days I just want to sleep all day and pray that our reality is never ever a reality someone else has. Adopting a child (children) does not make the hurt go away. There is no magical thing that happens to heal the children over night. The magic is LOVE LOVE LOVE and understanding. NOT PITTY NOT FEELING SORRY FOR US but understanding that our life is not your life and sometimes people face the unthinkable.
I worry sometimes. Sometimes my worry runs so darn deep. My husband has had problems sleeping during the last year. I've never seen him like that He tosses and he turns. Everynight before we go to bed we pray for a better tomorrow for understanding and for answers to questions that we have no answers for.
Don't get me wrong. We have a good life a great life but sometimes if we look tired it is because WE ARE tired. We ARE worried the future is a scary thought for us at times but we are loving every single minute we have at this time. WE ARE SO BLESSED but frustrated at the same time that we can't seem to get the word out that ABUSE IS WRONG. We want to snap our fingers and take all the hurt away from our childen We want to snap our fingers and cure Dallas but we can't. What we can do is live today for today and that is what we will continue to do.
I must go now as it's time for dinner but I just had to get them things off my chest.
